WHO HAS BEEN KEEPING THIS APP FROM ME??? The best thing about working the LL Sams project was that my foreman of the project, Toothless Tony and I would communicate almost exclusively via Cell/WalkieTalkie. The only problem came when I was in a public place, and would inadvertently leave the “phone” in my purse and suddenly there would be the DOUBLE BEEP, a look of horror on Jordan’s face and then TT seemingly screaming “StephNIE? YOU THERE???” Damn, I loved that phone. Worst day ever when we left those for the Motorola Razor, my last phone before moving to the Data age… It seems like years ago, it was. Anyway, HeyTell has turned my cell phone into a virtual WalkieTalkie. Boo currently looks like he wishes he were washing dishes for no money after a meal for 300 5 year olds… However, Lee and I definitely just laughed back and forth multiple times with NO WORDS, JUST LAUGHTER. Priceless.
I was reading something recently about a couple here in town that people thought were so different because they dressed to the nines and then marched off to Church instead of Brunch every Sunday morning. I immediately related and then realized, our church is at four in the afternoon, and even in Boston, most people are moving by then. As well, for our neighbors to notice I am pretty sure we’d have to average more than once a month, which is what I am managing on a HIGH month. Seriously. Boo makes it more often than me. I generally have either run myself into the ground, procrastinated on some project for school, or simply can’t make myself go. I just never imagined being that person. Whose husband goes to church while they sit at home.
Today two things happened that helped me realize the DEPTH of the situation that I am in. For those of you who don’t know I started going to All Saints Episcopal around 11 and never really looked back. I made a decade long soiree into the Non-Denom section, but waltzed my way back into the Anglican community post-Berlin. I thought the return would re-build some of the seemingly annihilated bridges of trust in the leadership of such organizations, but it simply hasn’t. How do I know? The level of righteous anger I feel when thinking about what I have seen/experienced in the years I had away, how much compassion I felt for Paul Haggis as I read the New Yorker article about him leaving the Church of Scientology and how he just took the easy road instead of fighting and going through all the motions of their required rehab when you voice concerns, and finally tonight on the treadmill when I was reading the news about what was happening in Egypt and the President’s REFUSAL to step down pre-election despite the fact that an ENTIRE nation was rising against him, there has been cautious and gentle reprimand from men who obviously hold more authority than him, but refuse to publicly slap him in the face… and all I could think was, “I know how you feel Egypt, and I can tell you this, Mubarek will not relinquish power, so if you don’t like it you might as well say goodbye and move on.” Please note that I have never lived in an oppressed nation (well, Uzbekistan) in my life to have feelings of relate-ability. This is born of circumstance. I am no victim. I left. But my goodness at what a cost. What a cost. I got my husband, and a few thousand miles closer to my family, but I am pretty sure it cost me years of my life and some optimism that I once had about believing that you really can change the world with the best of intention and the right heart…
All that to say, in my monthly attendance of church last Sunday the responsoral Psalm was 37. I was dying laughing next to Lady A and emulating the GNASHING OF TEETH every time it was mentioned. I thought she was going to LOSE it. It was so funny. However, here are some of my LITERAL and EXACT responses at the Psalm was read (I wrote them down to prove my bitterness and need for some therapy to myself…)
1 Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT KEEP STEALING OUR PARKING SPACES????
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
mine already did…promises, promises
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
What am I? A goat?
4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Hmmmm. We’ll see
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
I could use some noonday sun… I am pale as Casper the Ghost.
7 Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
What choice do I have?
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
What about when they don’t even know they are wicked?
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
I am one evil son of a %&$*# (I am only not typing this because of linkup)
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
I don’t want land, just a parking space (and for my upstairs neighbors to sneeze more quietly and stomp at more reasonable hours)
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
Because I am pretty sure that it is me I hope this is not true, but if it is, they say He is Just, so I guess I had it coming.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy peace and prosperity.
That rules me out and what about that whole “the kingdom of God is violently advancing and the violent take it by force…” I am just saying. I’m noticing some conflicting inerrant text here.
12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
Gnash Gnash Gnash – what the EFF is gnashing. this is so ridiculous, no wonder people think we are crazy. Talking about munching on grass in fields and GNASHING of teeth.
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.
That’s what that incessant laughing I hear is…
14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
Who even uses a sword and bow anymore outside of Sarah Palin’s Alaska?
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.
Shaking my head, you are losing me, too many verses.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.
Damn, kick a dog while he’s down.
16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
I’m not going to lie, the lottery sounds like a sweet deal to me.
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.
in His mighty right hand, good to know what the Lord’s dominate hand is. Wish we could get this whole Judgement Day thing settled.
18 The blameless spend their days under the LORD’s care,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
I am pretty sure this is not as motivational to me as it was intended to be.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
20 But the wicked will perish:
Though the LORD’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,
they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.
UGHHHHHH, so freaking harsh. I thought you were all into the lilies of the field.
21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
I do both.
22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be destroyed.
Again, all I can think of is my parking space
23 The LORD makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
I don’t even know what this means.
24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
I am pretty sure I fall daily and that salvation is the continual process of being saved.
Now, I know that many of you will find that wholly offensive but remember it on your dark night of the soul and you will be comforted that you are not the first person to question the Lord your God.
All that to say, I like my iPhone Apps more than the 37th Psalm, and I can understand them a little better as well. And even as I lay here in bed blogging while HeyTelling my friends, and teasing my husband about how much he loves to hear what I’ve been texting all this time there is a stack of books next to me filled with the wisdom of wise sages that have asked far more difficult questions than I. Nouwen, Piper, Lewis, Tozer, Manning, Haggis… Sometimes you need to press into the difficult and not be afraid of the hard, and sometimes you need to let deep call out to deep. And sometimes you need to press “Hold and Speak” on your HeyTell app and do nothing but laugh knowing that if C.S. Lewis, Ghandi, Tolkein and their peers never got it all straight, it’s unlikely we will either.